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>I feel as if the wonder in my life is gone.
Cannot relate to this whatsoever. In fact, it is mind-blowing to me that that is even possible to think in the very same world that I live in. I mean it's the same physical reality essentially, same kind of setup. Maybe I'm just incredibly dumb and easily surprised. This shit is fucking beyond the wildest magic that you can imagine. And the beauty and depth, incomprehensible. I could twist it and turn it in my mind for the next 9,000 years and I would just scratch the surface of the endless fucking depth that's here. If I empty my mind and just allow it to wash over me, until the moment I die, there would be barely enough time to catch even the most basic glimpse of it.
It's like this shit is always filled with so much energy that it's right on the brink of exploding like a fucking supernova. Only ever pretending to be chill, in all actuality, always a fucking million billion gazillion volts, don't you feel it? Don't you feel it even in the ultimate relaxation and calmness? Fucking stupid bro, fucking insane, straight up. I've tried all my fucking life to be sane and yet the closest I can get to that is fucking insanely insane.